There is a song, one of my favorites when I have fallen so far down that I feel not even the longest rope would be able to rescue me, called “För sent för Edelweiss” by the one and only Håkan Hellström, who seems to know exactly what you’re feeling and put it in words even when you yourself can’t.
I was listening to it nonstop in the morning. In fact, I was late for work because I was listening to it nonstop. And then when I got to work, I listened to it some more. I had always wanted to visit Stockholm since I got to Sweden, and since we had nothing better to do, my boyfriend and I decided to make the hour long journey to the city.
It was an adventure. As it turns out, Stockholm is not only breathtakingly beautiful, but also incredibly huge; it has four different sides and spans over multiple islands. We got lost. Easily. We had no map, we had an incredibly panicked licensed driver, and a rational but unable to drive copilot (who is the worst navigator ever, by the way). So really, we didn’t have a chance. And yet, we put the panicked driver in the copilot’s seat, we put the illegal to drive copilot in the driver’s seat, and we had ourselves an adventure.
We drove in the foggy relentless rain until we reached a small and shady kebab/pizzeria joint. The men inside were huge, had even huger eyebrows, and spoke better Swedish than me. We asked for a simple pizza (Swedes put the strangest things on their food) and after a good, but not particularly filling meal, we decided to find our way back to the E4 to head home to Uppsala, and have some Max hamburgers and fries.
We didn’t make it to Uppsala’s Max. As we sped down the E4, a Max sign flashed by for no more than a second, but my boyfriend saw it, and that was enough. It boasted that Max Hamburgare was 3 minutes away, and with just those vague directions, we promptly proceeded to get lost again.
After almost causing a traffic accident (twice) at the same roundabout, we finally found Max, and then after that we did another chinese fire drill, went home, and I discovered that I learned 3 different things today.
1: I had a true adventure in Stockholm.
2: You can’t burn such a large and beautiful thing with matches, no matter how many the man in För sent för Edelweiss says he has.
3: I would follow this man, who has for some reason fallen in love with me, whenever, and wherever he wants. As long as he drives.
And it makes me happy. All of these make me happy. To know that Stockholm can’t be burned down with matches makes me feel like the song is false. Even when we are at our worst, at least we can’t be as sad as the fictional man who has enough matches to burn down Stockholm, because it can’t be destroyed. If that line in the song isn’t real, maybe nothing inside it is, including the sadness.
Now the song has become like a safety net. Something that prevents me from being even sadder than I already am. Something that makes me happy.
I always knew adventures would save my life, and now I know for sure that this man who does donuts in the empty parking lot of a beautiful Swedish castle is the perfect person to go on adventures with.
For the rest of my short life on this world.