It has been raining constantly in Sweden. And just as the sky has been releasing small but relentless drops of water, so has my mind been dropping small but fierce emotional thoughts.
Being in Sweden with my extended family has been a blessing no doubt. I have learned so much while being here, not just about culture, but about love. I have learned what it is like to not be afraid of people, something that I never imagined was possible. And I have learned to relax, I have learned to simply be. Here in Sweden, I have experienced a type of love that I had only heard about and so rarely experienced back at home. It is a foreign thing for me to be loved unconditionally, but it is so beautiful.
I can get used to that.
But in the midst of such perfection and bliss lies a rotten, destructive black hole that spins peacefully in the center. It doesn’t bother to move, it just exists. To move would be to waste unnecessary energy; it causes enough pain and chaos as it is.
This kind and peaceful family deserves so much better than you. Their unconditional love is wasted on such a stupid, reckless person like you.
They all think you’re an inconvenience. No one likes having someone in their house for so long. Especially not someone as weird and awkward as you.
You’re spending all of your boyfriend’s money. When will you stop being a burden on people you love?
You bring chaos with you regardless of how much you try to prevent it. Hang yourself in the forest and save your “family” the trouble of worrying over you. You’re not worth the wrinkles you’d give them.
You’ve been such a difficult girlfriend. You’ve been so selfish to keep someone so amazing waiting so long. And for what? For you? You should do him a favor and leave. He could do so much better than you anyway. And if you really love him, you would want the best for him. So go. The forest is waiting.
It’s only a matter of time before he leaves you. No boy can be faithful. It’s just not in them. And even if it were, why would anyone want to stay with you?
Small, but vicious drops that together cause a storm.
But in every storm, there is a safe place. And I think, I really think, that I am safe here. I think that the storm can rage outside all it wants; it can pound at my windows and scream at my doors to be let in. Kind and loving people are the strongest shelter for such heavy storms, and here I am surrounded by them. For the first time in my life, I don’t have to be afraid. With such overflowing love, nothing can happen to me.
All I have to do is wait here, where I’m safe. The storm will sure pass. It always has.
And always will.