I just got an email and let me tell you… I have not have that much adrenaline running through my body since I thought I was going to die. Although, if the email said the wrong thing, I might have died.

It was an email from Migrationsverket, Sweden’s migration agency, the agency that will determine if I get to spend the rest of my life by Karl-Johan’s side; the way it should be, or if I will continue to be stuck an ocean away from the man I love.

So the email was very important.

As it turns out, all they wanted was proof that Karl-Johan and I have met in real life, proof that we have in abundance, but my heart has not stopped racing since I got that email, and I don’t anticipate that it will stop any time soon.

Even surrounded by warm lights, warm people, and warm tea, even with Karl-Johan in the same room, I still cannot feel at rest. I feel like my heart is on the tightrope, with a 500 meter fall. I feel like someone is trying to take Karl-Johan away from me.

I feel precisely how someone would feel if their love and happiness depended entirely on a complete stranger.

So I sit here and write this, with shaking fingers, surrounded by a supportive warm family, and still feeling cold and alone. It is not right of Migrationsverket to do this. To hold our lives in limbo for over a year, and yet to complain is pointless. We knew what we were getting into. We can surely find a little solace in that.

I want to thank you, reading this right now, for allowing me to rant to you. This isn’t an easy situation for me, and I’m not entirely sure what to do. Talking about it does help though, so I’ll do that.

I’ll do that, and say this:  If you can safely say that you’ll see your loved ones tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, consider yourself lucky. Don’t take that, don’t take them for granted. There are people, me included, who would give their eye to say something as simple as that.