My fingers freeze on the cold glass, and with my red eyes squeezed shut, I take the shot. The alcohol burns down my throat and what I try to suppress makes me smash the shotglass against the floor.

No one around me notices, and even if they did, they wouldn’t care.

The music is too strong, too wild, like an ocean current that sweeps massive ships away and destroys everything it touches. That current controls us now.

I look around at all the bodies, the lights, glowsticks, the paint. I remember your eyes, how I wanted my arms to hold you, and how instead they pushed you away.

Without you, I have nothing to lose anymore.

I dive into the current.

The bodies flail around me, each of them glowing in vibrant neon colors. I pick green, blue was your favorite color.

I join in, every movement of my body aimed at shaking you off it, every scream from my throat meant to tear out the precious memories of everything that I want.

And as I try desperately to convince myself that I don’t want that anymore, a man dances close to me and offers me two round white pills. I could take them and go home with him, but I would never do that.

He’s not you.