I wake up, trace the familiar lines on the ceiling a few feet above my bed, and decide to get up. A quick glance at my phone tells me it’s six thirty in the morning, my insomnia must be kicking in. Nevertheless, six thirty AM is about as good a time to get up as any.

I skip getting dressed and go downstairs in my pijamas: pink and burgundy striped shorts with a white tank top. Vague rays of dawn are peeking in through the kitchen window. After getting some water, I go to the living room, and pick up my boyfriend’s computer.

I type in the password, and before long, I’m sitting cross-legged on the couch playing the innovative 3-D game “Fez”.

There’s maybe a month left before I have to leave, and I try to drown that thought out as I move Gomez, the little fez-wearing protagonist, through the levels. Serenity settles in my chest.

The levels are soothing, the music is comforting, and outside, the sun rises over the forest. At this moment, I couldn’t wish for a better life.

It’s what I have always wanted. To feel entirely at peace. To not feel anxious, or depressed, to instead feel clean, whole, and completely unbothered by anything. The Swedish forest is cold and dangerous, but warm and welcoming at the same time.

Nothing can reach me here.

 

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